i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
