I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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