You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
