how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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