you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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