I wish I could punch you in the face.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
