I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
