Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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