remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
