my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
