I think my fart just growled at me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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