I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
