someone threw a dead crab at me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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