I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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