Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
