And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
