chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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