whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
