I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
