I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
