Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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