I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm both gender and math confused
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize