he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
