grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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