One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
