Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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