sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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