Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she looked like the before picture.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
