yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
