Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
