Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
