Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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