I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
