I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
