we made out on top of his cat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize