i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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