Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize