Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
