Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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