the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
