his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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