I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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