yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
