he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
