Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
