if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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