Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
