I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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