Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my poor anus
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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