I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
