the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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