He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
