So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
