the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
