Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
