so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
