3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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