naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
