i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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