it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
