he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
