he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
